In light of International Women’s Day: Modern bridal and baby showers

(An original essay by Ria)

This past Monday, we had (another) bridal shower for one of our female co-workers. At our office, the environment is very cordial, and we tend to make a big deal about celebrations. For the past two weeks, my female counterparts spent many hours planning Monday’s shower, pooled monies together for many gifts off the registry, and made many trips to Party Depot for decorations we’d use once then throw away. But it seems unfair and incongruous to me, that in 2013, we still idolize and celebrate marriage and babies as a woman’s height of achievement – particularly, in the workplace, to boot.

Every shower (bridal or baby) at the office fills me with a pang of anxiety – another $20-40 squeezed out of my already-tight budget. The obligatory and the vapid consumeristic bent of it all bothers me. If I don’t buy anything, I might be perceived as a tightwad and unfriendly co-worker…so I spend a solid hour doing some “budgeting jiu jitsu” (as my friend LDB would say), take a deep breath, and hope for the best. Before you call me a cheapskate, I don’t even buy gifts anymore for my family or friends during Christmas – it’s simply not in the budget. Instead, I try to give the gift of my presence, my time, and my love. Nevertheless, I go ahead and buy stuff off the registry, due to the overwhelming obligation of being a good colleague.

Personally, I don’t plan on having children or getting married anytime soon. Regardless of your motherhood or relational status, these bridal and baby shower traditions seem very dated and unfair to women who choose to not to get married and/or have children. Where are our showers? For being a philanthropist? For becoming a homeowner? For achieving that promotion? And so on.

Furthermore, I feel I would be shunned for expressing these views, because I am an unmarried, without children – I must merely be jealous.

You know what though? It frustrates me – that as a woman who has worked hard her entire life and fought tooth and nail – to get an (expletive) education and get a job, so I wouldn’t have to get married and have children just to have a life to call my own – that in today’s modern office, bridal and baby showers are still the gold medals of womanhood.

In light of International Women’s Day tomorrow, these are some thoughts I have. We’ve come so far, but we have many miles ahead. I am wholly thankful for the sacrifices that my foremothers made so that I can have a career and a fulfilling life of my own – a life where I can choose marriage and motherhood – not merely because that is the only option available to me to survive. And that was the story of my grandmother, who grew up poor and uneducated in SE Asia. Tough as nails, and I love her.